CENTRAL VIEW for Monday, August 13, 2012

Update: The Fox family

Based on reader response, the adventures of the fox family -- living a mere 30 yards from our house -- are of great interest. As fox-savvy readers know, once kits are old enough to leave the den, it is unusual for them to return. But it’s not like the mother’s complaint: “You never call. You never write.” The adolescent kits tend to stay within a two-mile range of the family den. Sometimes, they even come back to help with the nurturing of their parent’s next litter.

And it’s not like we are trying to invade the privacy of this fox family. But they seem so close we can almost touch them and, without trying, we can see right into their den. Speaking of privacy, there is a Hummingbird hanging around our front deck. It keeps looking into our windows. Each year, the Hummingbirds fly all the way up from Nicaragua. We can’t tell if these are Democratic Hummingbirds or Sandinista (communist) Hummingbirds or if they are drones sent here by the current regime. Fortunately, it is too tiny to be armed. But it may be beaming photos back to Big Sis in D.C.

Back to the foxes: We all know the economy is bad and not likely to improve between now and November 6, 2012. That probably explains why one of the kits has had to move back into the family den. He’s the one we dubbed: Homeboy. He is not the kit we figured out was the Alpha Male. The other two kits remain unnamed and are, so far, unaccounted for.

Each evening, after the entrance to the den is in the cooling shade of the big rock; Homeboy lies at the entrance to the den and takes a nap. That was until recently when the economy got so bad that Alpha Male decided to return home as well. Poor Homeboy was napping when Alpha Male announced his return by pouncing on a startled Homeboy.

Nevertheless, they seem to get along quite well. Each morning they are up early, practicing their stalking and pouncing skills on each other. If we had those Olympic scoring paddles, we would award Homeboy a 9.8 and Alpha Male a 9.9. But, like too many Olympic scores, that would be very subjective. Still, we admire their pouncing because we understand it is essential to their work at rodent control around our house.

Of course, Hometown and Alpha Male are so precious we want to feed them. But, if we put them on welfare, they will no longer work at hunting for Rodent-fil-A. Then, the potentially disease-carrying rodent population would soar. Also, with no need to work, the omnivorous foxes might get into cannabis – the gateway drug. Common sense says welfare recipients should be drug-tested and we don’t know how to do that with a fox.

Too bad Homeboy and Alpha Male can’t understand English so we could explain the wisdom of former President Bill Clinton (D) when he signed a law that welfare recipients had to either be in job-training or be out looking for work.

Sadly, we have not seen the kits’ aging parents in some time. We pray they have not fallen victim to one of the death panels of the current regime. It’s still okay to pray. Right?

Nationally syndicated columnist, William Hamilton, was educated at the University of Oklahoma, the George Washington University, the U.S Naval War College, the University of Nebraska, and Harvard University.

©2012. William Hamilton.

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Email: william@central-view.com