CENTRAL VIEW for Monday, April 13, 2015

Life in the People’s Republik of Amerika

An allegory: Seth and Sarah decided to marry; however, they needed State permission. Only the portrait of the U.N. Secretary General adorned the Office of the Justice of the Peace who checked their ID cards, asked them to verify that they possessed no fire arms, and handed them their Certificate of Marriage.

A Gay couple was in line behind them. One of the Gays thought Seth and Sarah looked Jewish; however, that would be Lookism, the forbidden practice of cataloging people by how they look. The other Gay wanted to wish Seth and Sarah "Mazel Tov!" but held his tongue for the same PC reasons.

Seth and Sarah headed for their Manhattan State-controlled apartment. Due to the rotten economy, they had wanted to move in with Sarah’s parents in the Hamptons; however, that home was shut down by the State because its many fossil-fueled electrical appliances were considered anti-environment.

They had no wedding cake. The Muslim bakeries would not bake baklava cakes for Gay or Jewish weddings. The Christian bakeries would not bake red-velvet wedding cakes for Gays. The Atheist bakeries would not bake angel-food cakes for people of religious faith. The Agnostic bakeries did not know what to bake. As a consequence, there were no more store-bought wedding cakes.

Seth and Sarah had hoped for a traditional family wedding celebration; however, to dance the Horah and clap hands to Hava Nagila were considered offensive to the growing Muslim population. In fact, everything was now forbidden except that which had been expressly permitted by the new U.N. Government. There was no longer any joy in what the Rev. Jesse Jackson had once described as "Hymie Town."

Due to the Obama/Jarrett Plan, the Iranians had become a nuclear power, although, like the Israelis, the Mullahs denied it while, at the same time, letting the shrinking Israeli population know that Tel Aviv could be wiped out in a New York-minute.

In response to Iran, the Saudis and the Gulf State Arabs armed themselves with enough nukes to incinerate the world. Israel’s future was so much in doubt that emigration by Jews into Israel had stopped. Israelis with children to raise were leaving for safer lands. Investment capital was flowing out. Israel’s Arab population would soon outnumber the ethnic Jews and the Knesset would be under Islamic control.

Before leaving to get their marriage certificate, Seth had carefully shut down his desktop computer. Yet it had mysteriously turned itself on and words were being typed by somebody from far away. Seth thought: Wow, this is like what happened to Sheryl Attkisson, that investigative reporter who tried to investigate Fast and Furious, the IRS, and Benghazi. The computer screen read: "People of your faith are no longer authorized to practice a long list of professions which you are directed to read when you report to your local government headquarters. There, you must pick up distinctive arm bands to wear when you and your new wife are in public. This is a public-service announcement provided by your political party. Thank you for your previous donations. Have a nice day."

Sarah invited Seth into the kitchen where she had cobbled together a White House-approved wedding cake. It was made of kale and tofu. No icing.

Nationally syndicated columnist, William Hamilton, is a laureate of the Oklahoma Journalism Hall of Fame, the Colorado Aviation Hall of Fame, and the Oklahoma University Army ROTC Wall of Fame. He was educated at the University of Oklahoma, the George Washington University, the U.S Naval War College, the University of Nebraska, and Harvard University.

©2015. William Hamilton.

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