CENTRAL VIEW for Monday, November 27, 2017

Explained: Rocky relations between men and women

Because of the recent revelations of Hollywood moguls, elected officials, and mainstream media (MSM) hot shots as sexual predators, the question arises: why? Why would men (or, women) in positions of power risk their careers in a quest for sexual gratification? For answers, we turn to Fred and Wilma Flintrock.

Wilma is a secretary at the Slatestone Quarry. Wilma wants to be promoted. But that decision is up to her boss, Mr. Slatestone, who suggests some sexual activities would guarantee Wilma’s promotion. Flustered, Wilma runs home. She asks her husband to explain Mr. Slatestone’s behavior.

While testing his licensed NRA slingshot with which Fred plans to stone Mr. Slatestone, Fred explains: "You see, Wilma, one of the greatest fears that men have is fear of rejection by women. So, some men look for ways to stack the deck in their favor and reduce their chances of rejection.

"When they have some run-of-the-millstone job, fear of rejection often causes them to keep their hands to themselves. But once they gotta lot of rocks in the form of wealth, power, and fame, they figure even an ugly boss can get to at least first flagstone or maybe even achieve a landslide, if you get my drift.

"So, they look for subordinate women who want to be seen on flatrock TVs or want to have a glowing review of their most recent slate tablet. Mr. Slatestone holds the power of promotion or not over you. Wilma, I am proud to say you refused his advances."

"But Fred, not all bosses behave as abominably as Mr. Slatestone."

"Yes, some men keep their hands to themselves but Nature has men programmed to be more aggressive than women. The role of men is combat with the Saber-toothed Tiger. The role of women is to keep the cave fires burning, although some futurists are predicting a reversal of roles in future millennia. I suspect those guys will be called: Millennials.

"Given some alcohol or certain drugs, even the man with the run-of-the-millstone job may lose some of his fear of rejection and try to drag some female off by her hair. All-too-often, at the annual office dinosaur roast."

"Fred, have you ever had a female boss who tried to seduce you?"

"No, Wilma, our civilization has not advanced far enough for there to be female bosses."

"Well, as a woman, I not sure why other women might want to be the boss."

"Some women, who have been under the control of men, desire to have more control over their lives, over their environments, over their futures. That’s why so many of them run for the Tribal Council. Some even aspire to live in The White Cave.

"But what perma-frosts me, Wilma, is that the Tribal Council is using some of our hard-quarried rocks to pay off women its members and staff have sexually abused. This year alone, the Tribal Council has confidentially paid out 934,754 gem stones to settle sexual harassment complaints against members of the Tribal Council and its staff. I wonder who voted for that rockamamie scheme?

"Look, Wilma, I gotta go. Mr. Slatestone and I are gonna be discussin’ the future of his family gems."

©2017. William Hamilton.

Nationally syndicated columnist, William Hamilton, is a laureate of the Oklahoma Journalism Hall of Fame, the Nebraska Aviation Hall of Fame, the Colorado Aviation Hall of Fame, the Oklahoma University Army ROTC Wall of Fame, and was a recipient of the University of Nebraska 2015 Alumni Achievement Award. Dr. Hamilton is the author of The Wit and Wisdom of William Hamilton: The Sage of Sheepdog Hill, Pegasus Imprimis Press (2017).

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Dr. Hamilton can be contacted at:

Email: william@central-view.com