CENTRAL VIEW for Monday, July 22, 2019

The Mod Squad: A Tale of Two Islands

Allegory. Once upon a time, the US President had his fill of snarky, misinformed and even unpatriotic remarks made by four female members of the 116th Congress. Without naming names, he Tweeted, "If you don’t like it here, go somewhere else!"

The Speaker of the House, who realized the snarky four females would eventually make a laughing stock out of her political party, decided there would be a legislative purpose to investigate alleged sex trafficking on the U.S. Virgin Islands of Little St. James (78-acres) and Great St. James (165 acres). The Speaker ordered the four members, also known as the Mod Squad, to lead a congressional delegation (CODEL) and sail east.

When the Mod Squad said four women should not be sent off alone, the Speaker authorized the transport of any and all who shared the values of the Mod Squad. And thus was organized a ship of (I know the word you are thinking) several hundred anti-American Socialists to accompany the Mod Squad.

Because of the Mod Squad’s love of identity politics, the ship was loaded to the Plimsoll line with advocates for every left-wing cause. A leftist political version of Noah’s Ark.

But, as soon as they docked, their shipboard Kumbaya wrecked over a housing dispute. The Mod Squad, assuming the role of the Nomenklatura, claimed the posh Sex Temple on Little St. James, causing the "lesser ranks" to mumble Proletarian four-letter words.

Soon, the angry activists packed onto a total of 243 acres began to produce the symptoms of laboratory animals crammed in cages. The radical feminists refused to be on the same island with the men. The Sharia Law advocates split between Shia and Sunni. Fighting broke out between Atheists and Agnostics, between Marxist-Leninists and Trotskyites, between Antifa and Pacifists, and between the multiple sexual orientations. Each wanting to be primus inter pares (first among equals).

After violent debate, one combination of identities declared themselves the People’s Republic of Little St. James Island. The other group of identities proclaimed the People’s Republic of Great St. James Island.

Efforts by the Mod Squad to form a Supreme Soviet Council of Ministers failed to restore peace. The warring islanders found cannons left over from the Pirates of the Caribbean and started shelling each other.

The UN called on the US to take sides in the dispute and stop the shelling. The US sided with the larger island. The smaller island was defeated. The UN then condemned the US for favoring large over small.

World opinion pressured the US to fund a Marshal Plan for the defeated island. Millions of US aid dollars went to the defeated island which developed a thriving economy. Reminiscent of World War II, the victorious island fell into economic decline.

The Mod Squad, now thoroughly in disarray, asked the Speaker to send a ship to evacuate the CODEL. But, for her part, the Speaker was in no hurry to welcome the Mod Squad back into the USA. Instead, the Speaker directed the CODEL to stay put and transform itself into a War Crimes Commission to determine if Robert Mueller colluded with the Russians. The Speaker ordered the Mod Squad to report back no sooner than December, 2020.

©2019. William Hamilton.

Nationally syndicated columnist, William Hamilton, is a laureate of the Oklahoma Military Hall of Fame, the Oklahoma Journalism Hall of Fame, the Nebraska Aviation Hall of Fame, the Colorado Aviation Hall of Fame, and the Oklahoma University Army ROTC Wall of Fame. Dr. Hamilton is the author of the soon-to-be-published: Formula for Failure in Vietnam: The Folly of Limited Warfare, McFarland Books, (2019).For pre-publication orders: Toll free: (800) 253-2187 "Central View," can also be seen at: www.central-view.com.

Dr. Hamilton can be contacted at:

Email: william@central-view.com