CENTRAL VIEW for Monday, January 15, 2024

Little Miss Red Riding Hood Takes Charge

Satire: Part III. The Wildlife Officer who became Governor of Colorado made Little Miss Red Riding Hood his Chief of Staff with full authority to do whatever she thought was best for the people of Colorado. He made sure she had high-speed Grand County Internet Service so she could work from her Grand County home rather than from the People’s Republik of Denver.

Miss Riding Hood’s first task was to answer the flood of e-mails from other States wondering if Colorado had lost its collective mind bringing back the Wolves and burdening its taxpayers with over $8 million dollars on programs to deal with the Wolves. She referred them to the People’s Republiks of Denver, Boulder, and Aspen.

Next, she ordered the Department of Transportation (CDOT) to move the responsibility for the snow plowing of the infamous Berthoud Pass from faraway Grand Junction (District 3) to nearby District 1.

She had any Wolves, not already shipped to the Border Patrol in Texas, rounded up and released in Denver, Boulder, and Aspen. Her house guests, the Three Little Pigs, applauded. She told her admiring guests, "They wanted Wolves, now they have them."

Next, she ordered that state employees should be hired based on merit and not on their skin color, religion, sexual orientation, or political affiliation. She told the Three Little Pigs, "When it comes to public safety, we need people with the skills to do the job and do it right the first time."

She commended the State Highway Patrol and all the law enforcement officers across Colorado for their fine and courageous service to their fellow citizens. "I want to pay special tribute to the families who love and support our law enforcement officers. We join their families in praying that their loved ones complete their duties and come home safely. That is something that, sadly, does not always happen."

Tomorrow, she pledged," I will set aside money to rescue school-bus children in EV buses stopped due to frozen batteries."

She continued, "I also want to thank all of the military personnel stationed in Colorado, be they Active-Duty, National Guard, Reservists or honorably Retired, for their service. They give the best years of their lives to protect the freedoms we cherish."

She said, "The U.S. Constitution allows the individual States to conduct their elections. I pray that Colorado will always do so in a fair and equitable manner that allows the voters a full spectrum of candidate choices. Highly partisan, unelected judges should not interfere in that process. To do so, makes a laughing stock out of Colorado."

After a long day of reversing the anti-democratic actions of the previous administration, it was time for Little Miss Red Riding Hood to provide child-care instruction for the unwed mothers to whom she had given shelter from the winter cold.

With the brave Wolf-bitten Dog guarding against Big Bad Wolf, the Three Little Pigs volunteered to use the beloved natural-gas stove to cook for everyone. But not bacon. Because Widow Brown no longer needed her milk cow, Little Red Riding Hood gave the cow a clean, warm barn in return for plenty of wholesome milk for everyone in her cozy brick home.

©2024. William Hamilton.

Dr. Hamilton can be contacted at:

Email: william@central-view.com