CENTRAL VIEW for Monday, February 5, 2024

The Tomb of the Unknown Wolf

Satire IV. Those who followed the Wolf Series of newspaper columns know that, in 2020, by a very narrow margin, the voters of Colorado approved the reintroduction of wolves. Our satire continues in Grand County, CO , one of the counties that voted against the reintroduction of the wolves:

Our Little Miss Red Riding Hood Still Has Work to Do.

Little Miss Red Riding Hood discovered the previous administration installed a psychological time bomb aimed at school children. The mental time bomb was so ingenious in design that Dr. Robert Cialdini, the author of Influence: the Psychology of Persuasion, and Dr. Josef Goebbels would be proud. Or, as Aristotle famously said, "Give me a child to the age of seven and I will show you the man," meaning the resulting man or woman will follow his teachings forever.

The Colorado Wolf and Wildlife Center designed a wolf naming contest for middle school children. giving the children the opportunity to name the first set of wolves to be released in Grand County. From a list of 14 potential names, the children in Fraser, Colorado, chose to name "their" wolf "Maverick."

So now, Maverick, wearing a dorky looking radio collar is roaming around somewhere in Grand County looking for lambs or small heifers or domestic pets to eat. Inevitably, and this has already happened in Jackson County where one of the wolves killed 16 farm animals and four working dogs. The Jackson County rancher who suffered an economic loss is supposed to fill out a form and send it to the Wildlife Department, asking for compensation.

A farmer or rancher who shoots a wolf caught in the act of killing one or more of his animals will be investigated by law enforcement and probably sent for trial before the Wolf Hearing Adjudication Court (WHACO) where three WHACO judges preside. Recall, this is satire.

Here’s where the psychology comes into play. When the wolf-naming middle school children learn that a wolf has been killed by a farmer or rancher, they are likely to blame the farmer or rancher, not the lamb-eating wolf.

So, here’s the kicker. Farmers and ranchers are generally hard-working, tax-paying, clean-living, God-fearing people. The salt of the earth. But the school children, heart-broken because some rancher or farmer shot one of their beloved wolves, find themselves hating the core families of Traditional Values America. Perhaps, that is the sinister objective of the Progressive Left...

The thought of the body of some unnamed wolf lying to rot in the sun of the Colorado high county provoked the People’s Republiks of Denver, Boulder, and Aspen to do a Crowd Funding Drive to build the Tomb of the Unknown Wolf and place it the Denver Civic Center. EV school buses (when running) bring school children to lay flowers at the Tomb.

Unfortunately, due to the high number of homeless Americans and illegal migrants camped in the Denver Civic Center, the school children cannot approach the Tomb of the Unknown Wolves unless protected by a squad of armed escorts. Sadly, when the police arrested two illegal migrants who claimed their names were Romulus and Remus, a riot broke out and the Tomb was destroyed.

©2024. William Hamilton.

Dr. Hamilton can be contacted at:

Email: william@central-view.com