CENTRAL VIEW for Monday, April 15, 2024

The strange tale of the Elivis Tux

After rearing from active duty, yours truly went immediately to work for Charles Thone, the Governor of Nebraska. One day, Allen Beermann, the Nebraska Secretary of State, summoned me from my deck in the office of Governor Thone. "Bill, I have a new tuxedo. You can have my old tux if you promise to keep alive my Elvis story."

Finding that Allen’s old tux was a perfect fit, I said, "Sure. Tell me your Elvis story and I will pledge to preserve it."

"Well, when Elvis came to perform in Omaha’s big auditorium, Governor Thone was tied up with state business. So, I was delegated to introduce Elvis to the audience," said Allen.

"In the Green Room, I met with the ever-polite Elvis who said, "Sir, toward the end of my last song, I step behind the curtain still singing and using a remote microphone as I board a golf cart to take me across the street to my hotel. That way, I don’t tie up traffic. But I can’t hold the microphone, sing properly, and drive the golf cart all at the same time. Would you please drive the golf cart?"

"Of course, I agreed," said Allen "and as Elvis sang his swam song we sat so close to together that the right sleeve of my tux rubbed up against Elvis’ gold-lamé costume. Yes, Elvis and I left the building, making it into hotel parking garage without being mobbed by an adoring crowd.

"But some tiny pieces of gold glitter became stuck in the right sleeve of my tux. Most have fallen out now; however, microscopic flecks remain.

"So, Bill, when you wear this tux, you must promise to tell this bit of Elvis history." Nebraska’s Secretary of State concluded. Thus, on formal occasions, when military dress uniform was not authorized, yours truly wore the "Elvis Tux," and I always honored my pledge to tell the story.

But I had no idea how much culture-hold the long-departed Elvis had on the people Wonder Wife and I met at formal events. After hearing about the "Elvis Tux," people asked if they could rub their tux sleeve or even their formal gown against the right sleeve. Obviously, in the hope that some microscopic bits of Elvis’ gold-lamé costume will adhere to their sleeve or gown.

In fact, so many people rubbed up against that right sleeve that the sleeve became a bit shiny. I bought a new tuxedo.

If yours truly ever decides to give the "Elvis Tux" away, a copy of this newspaper column will be inside the right breast pocket of the black, shawl-collar jacket. That will be done in the hope that the next owner or even owners after that will read this story and continue to honor the pledge I made so long ago to Nebraska’s Secretary of State.

So, if any of you dear readers shop in a thrift shop for a size 42 tuxedo, I urge you to check the breast pocket very carefully for you may be in the presence of the "Elvis Tux."

NB: Until morale improves, these stories will continue.

©2024. William Hamilton.

Dr. Hamilton can be contacted at:

Email: william@central-view.com