CENTRAL VIEW for Monday, September 30, 2024

Wolf woes: How I lost my studio pass

Hello friends! It has been some time since I reported on the wolf fiasco in Colorado. So, I thought I would take a break from the race between Truculent Trump and Kamrade Kamala.

After gathering the facts about the woeful wolf reintroduction, I wrote them into a screen play, hoping Hollywood will make it into a motion picture. Because of my latest film "Little Miss Red Riding Hood Does Denver," I still had my studio pass. After stating my business to the guard at the gate, she directed me to a building marked "Comedy." Parking next to all the Jaguars and Mercedes, I went inside where a 20 something Beach Boy-looking male told me to make my pitch.

When I finished pitching "The Return of the Big Bad Wolf," he said, "Miss Hood, do you have any particular genre in mind?"

"Well," I said, "how about something like the Marx Brothers."

"Nope. Kamrade Kamala and Tampon Tim have the Marxist Market covered right nw. Any other ideas?"

"How about The Road Runner?"

"Wait", he said, "I’ve got it. We’ll use The Three Stooges as our format. Your Governor can be Moe. His sidekick, AKA First Gentleman, can be Larry. and your Director of Wildlife can be Shemp., AKA Cory.

"We’ll have John Wayne and Clint Eastwood-like actors play the farmers and ranchers whose cows and lambs are being slaughtered. Because wolves are one of the few animals that kill other animals just for the fun of it, the wolves make perfect villains. We will call the production "Little Miss Red Riding Hood Meets The Three Stooges." Let’s go pitch this to the studio boss, Mr. Big."

Soon we were ushered into Mr. Big’s private office which was outfitted with a rather large couch. Mr. Big listened as I told how Moe, the Governor, and Larry, his side kick First Gentleman, and people in Boulder and Aspen thought it would be cool to import some wolves from Oregon and turn them loose among the cows and sheep out on Colorado’s Western Slope. I told him about the huge tax-payer funded bureaucracy created to administer the wolf program. How the wolves were killing calves and lambs and it took over a year for the farmers and ranchers to be compensated for the loss of their calves and lambs, if then. About how when trying to relocate a couple of killer wolves Shemp and crew managed to kill them. How Moe staged a naming contest for the children to name the wolves and when they died, the children were so traumatized they had to go to a shrink who suggested their anxiety might be stilled by a sex change operation. I told how farmers and ranchers dare not shoot a killer wolf lest they be jailed and have to hire lawyers to get out while illegal migrants were given abundant food, shelter, clothing and even the latest cell phones. I told how the second largest city in Colorado was taken over by gangs from overseas.

When I was done, Mr. Big said, "Young lady, your story is so preposterous that you must be crazy. I am revoking your studio pass and do not ever come back here again."

*The Hamiltons left Colorado on Memorial Day and are safe in an undisclosed location.

©2024. William Hamilton.

Dr. Hamilton can be contacted at:

Email: william@central-view.com